For My Patti

"I've been traveling down this river,so many rocks pop up in my sight. I got to make some quick decisions should I go left or should I go right. I pray for guidance and protection to keep my boat water tight. And I know if I just keep on believing every little thing all gonna turn out right. But when I wake up in the morning I hope I see you in the light.... and the loveliness and tenderness and happiness and togetherness and openness. When vampires gather round me angling in to take a bite. They want to drink my blood of courage and try to take away my fight But no no no they can't do that for one truth I learned in life if you want to scare away the vampires you simply take them into the light. And when my time is over I did some right I did some wrong. Call my name to kingdom come and spread my wings in flight and I hope that when my day is over I hope I see you in the light. In the mornin, in the mornin your loveliness, tenderness, hopefulness,and your happiness. Michael Franti "See You In the Light"Even while Patti was still alive we knew the importance of this song. It you don't know Michael Franti It is on his CD "Yell Fire" It was the first song I played at Patti's memorial service. Its not easy to write about your closest friend, your sister and the person who impacted your life more than any other, but I would like to try. The original founder and owner of Bedrock Music in San Rafael was Barry Baum. He and I were best friends, we spent a lot of time together going to movies, concerts and trivia nights at the Mayflower Pub in San Rafael. Naturally out team was called the Bedrockers. We loved each other very much, but it was not a romance,which in my experience has been kind of an unusual. We went together to see the movie "When Harry met Sally". There was a part in the movie where Billy Crystal says to Meg Ryan "When men and women are friends, what it means is the man does not find her attractive" We had a good laugh over that line. In 1996, when Barry was 39, he was diagnosed with colon cancer. He asked me if I could work in the store while he was in the hospital. I worked there with five other men who often asked me to fill in for them when they wanted to follow the Grateful Dead. I loved working in the store. I thought I knew a lot about music but I learned so much more and ended up working there for twelve years. I took Barry for his chemo treatments and visited him almost daily. His parents used to call me the "Day Angel" and said there was also a "Night Angel", but I had no idea who that person was. One Saturday I stopped by to see him and there was a beautiful woman in the hospital bed with him. They were eating pizza and watching a DVD. I found her charming. That was the beginning of my 12 year long friendship with Patti which changed both of our lives in ways we could never imagine. It was the most loving, the most important and the best relationship of both our lives. We were more like sisters than friends. And in the end I was able to help her die at home with what I hope was a little more peace that she might have had. She died reaching out to me. She had more grace, integrity and love than anyone I have ever known. She died January 16 2007. Her death was devastating to me and I am so grateful that I am finally able to look back at our relationship with joy and laughter, rather than a gut wrenching grief. Patti and Barry only shared 16 months together. I went with them to Tahoe when they got married. She loved him so much. She was 43 and Barry was her only husband. They got married in September and he died in January. She loved him, took care of him and helped him die at home. She gave me so much credit for helping her in every way. I once read a letter she wrote to an inmate at San Quentin who she visited on Sundays. It was the story of our friendship called "Sisters" and she wrote about how I used to douse her pillow with lavender oil to comfort her and help her sleep I have no memory of this at all, I only remember being so worried about how thin and frail she was. Her parents who came from Michigan to help her, stayed for a week after Barry died, then she asked them to leave. He had left her the music store and she wanted to get started. She walked in a week after he died and fired every employee except for me and Tony Palmer. For the next ten years we three ran the store. She was smart, a good businesswoman with a basic knowledge of music. She actually managed the store better than Barry, but he did know more about music. She was, however, a quick learner. One day I was helping a customer when she came up and asked me who did the theme from "Hawaii 5-0. I nonchalantly told her "The Ventures". When I turned around to ask her something she was gone, and she didn't return for three hours When she came back as only Patti could say it she said "I have no business running a music store I don't know anything about music." My heart just filled, as it always did, with love for her.